theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize