You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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