from now on my penis is your penis
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
