The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize