paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
