connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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