I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
