I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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