well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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