Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
