walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
