people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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