you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize