Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
