ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
