the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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