The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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