Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
