this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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