smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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