And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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