My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
