I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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