I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
