She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
