My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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