In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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