I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
