If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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