Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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