My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.