you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He better not be in your backpack
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.