So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
