She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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