My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
