We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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