What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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