I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
