I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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