the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
