i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize