Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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