I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
