morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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