like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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