never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am naked and annoyed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
