I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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