please come you make the beer taste better
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
