He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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