he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize