I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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