I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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