im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
