Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
